I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm at about main and main street
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
