I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
