Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
