I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
