I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
