if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
