Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
