Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
