So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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