your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
