it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
