My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
tell me about the fingering
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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