every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
