After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
