Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think i have two assholes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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