As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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