I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
