I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
