my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
