I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
