Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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