just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
