Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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