I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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