OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
