i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
