It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
