He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
