We named our party play list daddy issues
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Less talking, more tequila
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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