Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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