So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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