you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
