And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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