I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
