Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
