wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
