I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
two words...techno handjob
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
