this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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