i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
