CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
