just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
