I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
