stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
