Plan B is the new Plan A
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
