I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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