4 words: hood of his car
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
