you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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