i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
