ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
