im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
