We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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